An absolutely unexaggerated true story…

Imagine, if you will, a dark hut in the jungle. Inside the hut are two figures at a table.

Briony: I’m never going to get this novel finished
Briony’s Brain: Well, I have an idea
Briony: Pfft. Your last brilliantidea was to put all our money on a horse just because it shares the name of an early 90s British cartoon
Briony’s Brain: You saying we should bet against Bananaman?
Briony: I’m saying we probably shouldn’t have bet that much.
Briony’s Brain: Why huh?
Briony: It hasn’t won a race in about forever.
Briony’s Brain: So it’s due! Anyway, the novel. Brilliant idea.
Briony: Right then?
Briony’s Brain: NaNoWriMo
Briony: Sod off.
Briony’s Brain: What? It’s brilliant! It will force you to get 50K out, which will get you to the end.
Briony: I’m not doing it.
Briony’s Brain: Chicken. :slaps Briony:
Briony: Shut up.
Briony’s Brain: Dare you. :slaps Briony:
Briony: Leave me alone!
Briony’s Brain: ARRRGGHHH :slaps Briony:
Briony: ARRRGGGHHHH :slaps Briony’s Brain:
Both: ARRRRGGGHHH :slaps self in the head for emphasis:

And that my friends is the undeniably true story of how I signed up for NaNoWriMo this year. It will either be an epic victory or an epic failure, but at least it will be epic. Much like it will be on Saturday if Bananaman wins. Because seriously, that is something I WILL NEVER GET OVER.

In other news, apparently Nick Nolte is following me on Twitter…as long as it’s just Twitter and not real life, because he is one freaky looking bloke.

Let’s all win at democracy together!

Dear America,

You know I love you. I had a great time when I came to visit. You have Disneyland, and New York, and gave the world George Clooney etc. Nice work! You are also home to a large portion of people who when meeting me were suprised to learn that Australians spoke English. (I was of course forced to admit that we don’t, we in fact speak Australian and ride kangaroos to work.)

Because I love you so much America I feel obligated to give you a heads up. If you vote John McCain in next Tuesday you are condemning your country to four more years of mockery from the rest of the world. Just so you know. We all shook our heads with laughter four years ago, and honestly my stomach still hurts. Guys, BURKINA FASO is laughing at you, and their capital city sounds like the noise you make when you’re trying to scare little children. You aren’t going to take that are you?

Australia voted our muppet out last November, now it’s your turn. You can do it!

Think about it.

Lots of love,

Briony.

PS – Bad timing scheduling the election for Tuesday BTW. Haven’t you heard of the Melbourne Cup?

Bogan Bingo (and no Butt-in-chair)

One of the benefits of working in the CBD, as opposed to the boondocks of Abbotsford where I used to work is that the lunchtime options are many, varied and ABSOLUTELY YUM. Today we got Tiffins (Indian lunchboxes, with roti, dhal, rice and in my case butter chicken) and God they were good. Am so full however that am going to need a small crane to get me to the station tonight methinks.

Have achieved many things this week, none of them literary. I sent off one uni application for next year (huzzah!), I bought my hat for Derby Day next week, and on Tuesday I went to Bogan Bingo for a friends birthday. Huzzah!

Now, Bogan Bingo. Let me preface this by saying that Bogans are unique to Australia, and not really comprable to anyone anywhere else in the world. But for the sake of this story, imagine trailer trash calling bingo. Hilarity, no? I had a tremendous night despite tiredness, sobriety and being somewhat put out that everyone automatically assumed that I had dressed up as a bogan just because I was wearing my Richmond scarf (word on the street is that Richmond supporters are bogans. And to be quite honest, after being at the Cricketers Arms after a rare Richmond victory, I can’t really argue). Really though, I am a bogan. I enjoyed all the music a little too much (AC/DC, Def Leppard et al) and the gratuitious swearing brought joy to a wet evening in St Kilda.

Alright. I am a little bit bogan. I will embrace my inner boganity starting tomorrow

Have not written a single word in two weeks, which is BAD. The truth is, I am COMPLETELY LAZY and have no self discipline at all. In fact, it took me five minutes to work out how to spell it.

I need to learn. Teach me! How do you get your butt in the chair and make yourself write? (Bear in mind I get distracted by the colour blue. And don’t get me started on sparkly things. Sparkle! Sparkle!)

Neil Gaiman, Spring Racing, and why hills suck

I’ve just started reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman, which I brought yesterday in my hungover trip to the shopping centre in search of nourishment and a TAB (which incidentally was pointless. Viewed came midfield, and the mystery trifecta I got that looked so fabulous on paper – Weekend Hussler, Zagreb, Littorio – ended up total bollocks, Zagreb got scratched and the two favourites went worse than Viewed. Hmph. Still. There’s always the Cox Plate next week)

/end Spring Racing Carnival rant.

Anyway, I grabbed a copy of American Gods, which I am really enjoying so far. At one point the main character says “if hell is other people then surely purgatory is an airport” which is kinda the premise for novel #2, and since that is part of the premise of Novel #2 (aka The Waiting Room) I am a little bit NEIL GAIMAN THINKS THE SAME WAY I DO. Because Neil Gaiman is Great, which I’m sure you’re aware, and if you aren’t go read Stardust.

The trip to the shopping centre was somewhat traumatic because a) it was stupidly hot for October, b) I was somewhat hungover and c) the suburb I live in is basically built on the side of a hill. I live at the top of the hill, everything useful is at the bottom. Which makes coming back from said useful places problematic because I DON’T LIKE WALKING UP HILLS. Especially  not when it’s stupidly hot, and not when I’m hungover.  Although defence of the hill the hangover was completely self inflicted and a result of too many beers at the allbum launch for The Go Set. (Incidentally, album launches are exciting! I only knew the band because I know someone who’s partner plays in the band, but it was all very exciting to me. Plus, I’m getting a band t-shirt out of it, so booyah for that!

Alright gang, if you’ve made it this far in the ramblings of a lunatic you deserve a reward, so here is one very content hamster

!!!!!!

!!!!!!

Occasionally I feel it necessary to perform a public service. Here is todays Public Service Announcement: Morgan  Freeman IS NOT WHO YOU THINK HE IS.

If there is anything funnier than that lurking around I want it brought to my attention NOW.