I swear, I’m still offline…

My To-Be-Read pile is breeding, mainly because Borders keep having sales and I keep going.

Here’s the list, in order of the stack on my clock radio:

The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafron
The Yiddish Policemen’s Union by Michael Chabon
The Princess Bride by William Goldman
Stardust by Neil Gaiman
Ghost by Robert Harris
Lady Chatterly’s Lover by DH Lawrence
Everything’s Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Graham-Smith
The Childrens Book – AS Byatt
Neverwhere – Neil Gaiman
The Big Sleep – Raymond Chandler
My Booky Wook – Russell Brand
The Girl With the Dragon Tatoo – Stieg Larsson
The House at Midnight – Lucie Whitehouse

The good news is that I admit that I have a problem when it comes to buying books. The bad news is I have no intention of doing anything about it, so there is a very good chance that the stack will end up higher than my head before too long.

Right, essay.

Your vigilance with this issue is much appreciated.

(I’m still offline, I swear)

May 28 has been designated (by me) Zombie Apocalypse Awareness Day. Should you witness any signs of impending #zombieapocalypse, please tweet and let me know.

(Here I am on twitter)

My big fat Eurovision Entry.

Am unplugging the interwebs for a little while while I catch up on offline things like homework. (Boo.) In the meantime, lets talk about Eurovision.

 

Europe, I have a bone to pick with you:

The Toppers - rocking it Old Skool.

 

 

This is the Netherlands entry, The Toppers. I realise that you can’t judge their abilities from a photo, but frankly I don’t think you need to. Alas, they didn’t make it to the final, as the rest of Europe didn’t share this view. 

Serbia's entry. Or as it was referred to in my house, Serbian Seth Rogen.

Serbia also didn’t get through. I don’t know whether it was bias as they had won the year before, but I mean really. How could you not give that hair twelve points?

Anyway, I feel that the Global Financial Crisis got to Eurovision this year – the whole show seemed much more subdued in this commentators opinion. Terry Wogan, we missed you dearly. But, despite the doom and gloom, there were a couple of bright sparks of joy. Observe:

 

The song was "Be My Valentine (Anti-Crisis Girl)". I feel something was lost in translation.

 

Give it up for the Ukranian go-go dancers.

Ukraine were  a beacon of light in the darkness. So much to like – the crazy boots, the go-go dancing Gladiators, the drum solo by the singer half way through. Good work gang!

Albania – what can be said about an entry performed by a ballerina, two midgets and a sparkly blue gimp? Epic win.

This is the Greek entry. I wish I could have found a pic of what he was leaping off in this photo – it was universally agreed that it was a hair straightener. Or as I referred to it, the Hair Straightener of Destiny. Greece was my favourite this year, even though I COULD NOT STOP STARING AT HIS CROTCH. Awkward. 

Special mention must also go to Azerbaijan, who continue to please me with their Eurovision entries. Between you and me I think they will win soon, mainly because I think they’re the only ones trying now. (Someone told me during the week that Ireland don’t try at all any more because they’re sick of winning. Fair enough I guess). I am currently hatching a plot to travel to the Eurovision final in 2013 (for my 30th birthday, how great would that be???), and I think Baku would rock the Eurovision vote. (There’s a gift from me to you – Baku is the capital of Azerbaijan. I know this the same way I know how to say 12 points in French. Eurovision educates AND entertains).

But when it all came down to it, hair straighteners of destiny, midgets, gimps, and gladiators were never going to beat the Norwegian Zac Efron.

So there you have it. Eurovision 2010 will be in Oslo (something that my Norwegian friend Tiril is very underwhelmed about). And now I must resume my life, which is Sadly Lacking in glitter, glamour and Smurf Gimps.

And now, a public service announcement…

In case you weren’t aware, I like chocolate. If it were up to me, I would elect chocolate to office, give it a Gold Logie and possibly even marry it (making both me and my grandmother inordinately happy).  As such, when chocolate miracles pass my way, I feel that I must share them with the world.

May I present, for your delectation, the FIVE MINUTE CHOCOLATE PUDDING:

4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
1 small splash of vanilla extract
1 large coffee mug

Add dry ingredients to mug and mix well. Add the egg and mix, pour in the milk and oil and mix some more. Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract and mix again.

Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts (high). Remove from microwave and scoff to your hearts content.

I didn’t add the chocolate chips to mine as I didn’t have any***, but it was delectable just the same. Just think of it as Emergency Chocolate Cake, for when the world is crashing down, you’re broke, and your football team snatches defeat from the jaws of victory again.

In other news, I read The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde today, and am now rejoicing that all of my nerdy characteristics have been found in one place.  A Rocky Horror-style rendition of Richard III? Genius! Can’t wait to read more of the series.

***Did have a packet of choc chips, but they were devoured by me on Thursday night whilst watching the Footy Show and remarking that Sam Newman looks like a microwaved Ken doll. Was completely accidental, and the sort of thing that could happen to anyone.

Muchas Gracias K-Dog.

For those of you who aren’t from the merry ol’ land of Oz, our fearless and benevolent Prime Minister Kevin Rudd has attempted to buy our love with a nine hundred dollar payment to stimulate the economy.

I received my payment last Thursday, after three weeks of making jokes about being stimulated by Kevin Rudd, and whinging when everyone else got theirs before me.

A lot of people I know are being careful with their money and saving it.
Sod that, says I.

For those playing at home I bought

The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafron
The Yiddish Policemen’s Union by Michael Chabon
The Princess Bride by William Goldman
The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde
Stardust by Neil Gaiman
Ghost by Robert Harris
Lady Chatterly’s Lover by DH Lawrence
Everything’s Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer
Middlemarch by George Elliot (not actually pictured)

And the jewel in my book tower…

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AND ZOMBIES. Oh how I rejoice just saying those words.  It’s an early birthday present to myself, but I can’t read it until after I finish Middlemarch, which is a little way off yet. And just so y’all know, it is killing me. The cover alone makes me  happy.

So, to Kevin07, K-Rudd, the Milky Bar Kid, whatever you want to call him, I say thanks. Kev’s brought $900 worth of my love which is pretty substantial, but not as much love as Andrew O’Keefe has brought. (Plus, he gave me money in the form of a giant novelty cheque. Something to think about Kevin?)

Huzzah for books! That should take my mind off Richo being out of the team for 12 weeks (Sob. I really do think that Richmond has been cursed this year. NOTHING HAS GONE RIGHT. I blame swine flu).