This afternoon I went round to my friend Helen’s for champagne, homemade facials and gossip. Whilst smearing avocado and grapeseed oil on my hands and honey, yoghurt and oats on my face (mmm, attractive) Helen gave me a badge that said “Sorry. I can’t hear you over the noise of how awesome I am.” It’s my new favourite thing.

Well, it’s almost my new favourite thing. Yesterday I  went to see The  Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, which was very Gilliam-ish (and therefore awesome), but did leave me feeling a bit glum afterwards. Naturally, there is only one thing to do when you’re feeling glum – go and see Zombieland.

Oh my GOD but it was awesome. A nun won Kill of the Week by dropping a piano on the zombie’s head. That is something I may never recover from. Nor my brother, judging by the level of amusement when I rang to order him to watch the movie. (Incidentally, my brother has a Detailed, Comprehensive and Illustrated Plan for when the zombie apocalypse begins. So much so that he has started interviewing people to be in his posse. My brother is one of my most favourite people in the world)

The only thing better than watching a zombie get squashed by a piano (because seriously, that was freaking awesome) was watching Woody Harrelson shooting zombies with a machine gun while riding a rollercoaster. I have decided that MY LIFE WILL NOT BE COMPLETE until I have shot zombies with a machine gun whilst riding a rollercoaster. Seriously, that would be the pinnacle of human achievement.

While I was waiting to go into the movie, and was exchanging stories with my friend Becky regarding nightmares, my mother rang. When I told her I was going to see Zombieland, she said “Oh, is that the movie Kevin Rudd took his boys to and made a sarcastic remark?” to which I said “Surprisingly, I don’t know.” Later on, when I rang her back,  I admitted that I still wasn’t sure if that was the movie Our Esteemed Prime Minister took his sons to, and Mum informed me that Grandma has cancer. While the doctors are confident she’ll make a full recovery, and I am confident she’ll make a full recovery, cancer is still cancer, and noone should have to go through it more than once.

So, yeah. If nothing else, I’ve learnt that life is not like a box of chocolates. Life is like shooting zombies with a machinegun while riding a rollercoaster.

Remember all those times I was on here stressing about uni?

Two B’s! Damn I love being slightly above average. I don’t suck as an editor after all.

Just returned from watching The Time Travellers Wife. It was such a great movie, even with the different ending. Although I’m disturbed by how much naked Eric Bana  I was witness to. If you were in Australia in the 90s you would understand.

He might a big Hollywood superstar, but he’ll always be Poida to me.

While I was at my movie, two of my other housemates went to see New Moon. I didn’t go (despite their invitation), because I thought I might be lynched for cheering every time the Voltari tried to kill Edward, Bella or Jacob. I don’t have anything against Twilight, but VAMPIRES ARE NOT VEGETARIAN. THEY ARE VICIOUS BLOOD SUCKING BASTARDS, NOT WHINY BROODING EMOS. Gary Oldman could take R-Pattz every damn day of the week.

Ahem. /end rant.

So anyway, I have been wandering around in a post NaNo haze, wandering into rooms and forgetting why I came in, staring blankly into space and eating things. After Christmas I will open the file again, and try and get it into some sort of order, take out all the notes to myself, and most importantly, stop the characters from telling each other to use their flippers to get down.*

I have also started work on my balcony garden, with mostly success. I have a poinsettia, basil, marigolds, lettuce and cherry tomatoes growing at the moment – three weeks in and nothing is dead yet. This counts as a major success for me. I’m going to get a chilli plant and a lavender plant to celebrate I think.

The other news is that I’m planning on taking my shenanigans overseas next year for some much needed R&R after uni finishes in June. I was going to go to NYC and investigate an internship, but the last semester has totally drained me of any thoughts of that. Have been toying with the idea of Russia instead, or maybe China. It will depend on finances, so we will see. Any suggestions/recommendations gratefully accepted.**

*Another Art Vs Science song. It was a v. useful tool for writing my way out of a corner.

**After being lost for 18 months, my digital camera turned up in a box of random crap. I was just though all my photos from Phuket last year. I took a lot of photos of turtles.

Number of job interviews: 2

Number of jobs actually got:  1

Number of times seen New Moon: 0

(Number of times I referred to Robert Pattinson as Derek Zoolander: 37)

Number of sunburns: 2

Number of people who are glad that I decided to  improve the song ‘Sexy Bitch’ by singing it loudly in a Kiwi accent: 1 (me)

Number of Hens Nights attended: 1

Number of prizes received for decorating amusingly shaped cookies at said Hens Night: 1

Number of funerals attended: 1 (not my  Grandma, she’s back at home huzzah!)

Number of hours spent calming my mother down after Peter Cundall (the 82 year old presenter of Gardening Australia) was arrested protesting the pulp mill: 2.5

Number of people I told about my discovery that there is a pizza award for Best Use of Cheese: 12

(Number of  people who thought it was as awesome as I did: 0)

Number of episides of Aqua Teen Hunger Force watched: 14

Number of dreams had involving snails: 2

Number of horses backed during Cup Week: 3

Number of times I said “That’s an automatic stapler! Oh my God, it’s an automatic staper!”: 7

Number of people in my acquaintance who when asked the question “Is the Pope Catholic” replied with “I don’t know, is he?”: 2 (at least)

Number of times heart broken: 1

Number of times said “Remember when The Presets wore stuffed animals on their heads at last years ARIAs?” during this years ARIAs: 5

Number of first drafts completed: 1

So. The first draft is done, despite the above distractions (and the new season of Top Gear). I’m now leaving it to wallow in its own crapulence while I attend to other things, like reminding the world of my continual and fabulous existence.

And now, because I’m so exhausted, I shall leave you with the song that got me through the month of November (no, not Sexy Bitch).

From the awesomely wonderful Art Vs Science:

Greetings from Wednesday night. I’m posting this from the past, due to the next few days being chockers with uni assigments. Except today, where I am  combining my love of Halloween with my love of horseracing, and have gone to the Victoria Derby dressed as a gremlin.

Okay, so that’s a lie. But I’m sure I’ll scare someone, as is the time honoured tradition of the day. It might even be Halloween related.

But that’s not what I’m blogging about.

NaNoWriMo. The ultimate seemed like a good idea at the time.

So determined am I to get this thing done that by the time you read this I will have disabled Albert’s internet. (Albert is my laptop.  He is Cockney. I have no evidence of this but he is. Bear that in mind). This means no blogging and probably no twittering. The only things I will be doing is continuing the Neverending Cycle of Scrabble games against my mother (because nothing will ever stop that), and email – gainful employment being somewhat necessary these  days (seriously, I need a job. My highlight today was watching Dharma and Greg/Murder She Wrote back to back, and then Antiques Roadshow and The Simpsons.

Good luck to everyone who has succumbed to NaNo this year. In the dark before the dawn, when the walls are closing in on you, just remember: YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE.

Happy Halloween. Good luck.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KUJE2xs-RE

Had my copy-edit exam on Thursday. Do not even want to think about it. A pass is all I’m looking for any more. The good news though is that with the exam over and done with, I can turn my attention to other things, like job hunting and writing. And by job hunting and writing, I mean sitting on the couch eating chocolate and watching all five seasons of Press Gang.

If you’re following me on Twitter, you might have a vague idea what I’m talking about. This was my absolute favourite TV show when I was a kid. It made me want to be a journalist for a very long time, it taught me about important moral issues like drugs, guns and child abuse and it taught me about life in England. Most importantly though, it introduced me to the relationship that I now judge all relationships by – Spike and Lynda. Their relationship never really got off the ground, but I keep watching in the hope that one of these days Lynda won’t torpedo it with her insane control-freak ways. Spike Thomson is one of my biggest fictional crushes (and every time I hear Dexter Fletcher speak with his English accent it freaks me out. For the longest time I thought he was American).

Incidentally: 

Dear creators of Press Gang,

WORST SERIES FINALE EVER. HOW DARE YOU END A TV SHOW LIKE THAT? I HATE YOU.

(Not really. I can’t hate you. Not after the immortal line “Your wardrobe was open so I just popped in.”)

Love, Briony

In other news, I finally finished Carpentaria. You can read my review of it here, but suffice to say, it is now one of my favourite books. I only have two more weeks left of uni (which means only one  more semester and then I have to go back to the real world), and I have blocked out my November for NaNo, although I haven’t  fully committed to the idea yet. I need something to get me back on track though… we’ll see.  Ooh, and yesterday I won $40 dollars on one of my friend’s horses at a race at Caulfield. I love this time of year.

In the meantime, I leave you this. How great is Kate Miller-Heidke?

It’s been over a month since I’ve been here, and I’m still drowning in a sea of misplaced modifiers and grocers apostrophes. Until such time as I can return to being a functioning member of society, I’m staying offline. In the meantime, here’s a list of important things.

1. I am still reading Carpentaria.

2. I figured out who the killer was on page 223 of The Lost Symbol. Brown, you’re slipping.

3. I went to a music festival which was great! It was only the second time I have ever been camping in my life. The first time was in the Sahara when it was about 50 billion degrees and I got a visit from the Celestial Sand Stalker of the Sahara.

4. I finished up my job at the place with the cat. I also made  friends with the dog that lived next door to the  place with the cat. On my last day he licked my nose.

5. I attempted to dress up as a pirate for International Talk Like A Pirate Day, however I ended up looking like the lead singer of Thin Lizzy. Ah well.

6. New music! I really like Lisa Mitchell , Mumford and Sons, and Philidelphia Grand Jury. Check ‘em out. I also like Air’s new CD.

7. I have applied for an amazing job that I can’t really talk about for fear of jinxing it. Cross your fingers anyway.

8. I’m going to a ball on Friday night. I’m still not entirely sure how that happened, but I’ll be sure to wear my glass slippers. YOU NEVER KNOW.

9. I have a copy editing exam on Thursday. It may kill me. I regret nothing, except maybe dressing like the lead singer of Thin Lizzy on Talk Like A Pirate Day.

10.  On Friday I’m taking my grandmother to see Mao’s Last Dancer, in an effort to distract her from my lack of husband.

All in all, I think the current state of B. can be summed up by the following gif, which apparently only animates if you click on it:

See y’all on the flip side.

I am proud to announce that I survived the Big Wind Storm of August 2009. It was a dicey couple of hours there with no power, but in the fine tradition of this house Krystle and I said “screw you mother nature!” and went and ate cake in Ivanhoe.

Before that though, I was home alone with no electricity. And when  I went lookng for candles, torches and pants (as previous pair were soaked in the deluge), I made the startling discovery that THIS HOUSE IS TOTALLY UNPREPARED FOR THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.

Seriously.  My search for illumination and pants yielded the following items that could be useful should the undead walk the Earth:

*One torch, almost flat.
*An assortment of candles including one I got for my 21st, two I bought in Thailand last year and one I got in an oil burner from a friend in 1998.
* Hayley’s hurl
*One oversized cat, who insisted on following me around the house
* Two Ferrero Rochers (clearly the most useful)

As you can see, if this were a zombie movie we’d all be dead by now so I am going to spend tonight on my Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Plan, whilst ignoring the two editing assignments that I have due on Thursday and  Monday respectively.

PS – My second shift at  the Melbourne Writers Festival was awesome, I got to listen to Margo Lanagan and Anthony Eaton talk about young adult fiction and now I am inspired to get  back to my story.

PPS – My first shift at the MWF involved 2 crazy men, a flock of lesbians,  a bearded lady, the federal police and this sign:

You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.

Today we had a knock on  the door from someone claiming that he was there to change our lightbulbs for free. We were somewhat sceptical at first (this has happened before, it turned out that it was only free if we changed electricity providers) but it turned out to be genuine. Which is great, and huzzah for free light bulbs, but now I have three working lightbulbs in my room, instead of just one.

You would think that this would also merit a huzzah. But here’s the thing. The light fittings in my room are yellow glass, and with all three light bulbs working, my bedroom is now SAVAGE YELLOW. To a normal person this would be fine, but when I was little I used to have a recurring nightmare where I was stuck in a big yellow room on my own, and the only sound I could hear was an opera singer singing the one high note, without pause. (I swear, I was about seven when this was happening. It stemmed from reading The Enchanted Wood in a way, because the Scary Opera Room was at the top of a tree, Faraway Tree style.)

While I have mostly grown up enough to recognise that just because my room is now SAVAGE YELLOW that the world will not end, I am putting an embargo on opera music, for the sake of the tenuous grasp that I have on my sanity.

I swear I’m not mad.

Many other things have happened since last I wrote an actual post, instead of pointing at impressive things on youtube, but they mainly involve me being really sick and coughing up my lungs. The good news is that despite my best efforts, they are still firmly in place. Even more exciting is that I have gotten my mojo back just in time for the Melbourne Writers Festival, which starts on Friday. Big huzzah! There are many reasons why I’m excited about MWF this year, but the biggest of all is that I get to be a volunteer on the ‘Eclectic Bookshops Walk’, which goes all over Melbourne to bookshops that you might not ordinarily know about.

How excited am I? Let’s face it, I don’t really need to know the location of MORE books, since I’m doing such a good job spending stupid amounts of money in the ones that I DO know about. But screw that, I’m excited!

(PS – have finally update the books and movies list. Also updated the about page, just because it seemed like a good idea at the time.)